I literally just died on the inside…

Guess i gotta move on.. I didn’t ever give up. I had my eyes on the prize for so long.. She just left though.

Fuck reality. I’m following my dreams.

The pictures Cassidy secretly take on my phone are the fucking cutest. Lol(:

cat-twat:

thank godddd

She’s done. T She took off the christmas necklace off and her favorite infinity bracelet. What’d I do so wrong? Holy fuck.

Wanted me gone but I can’t wait to,see what you tumble about me(:

Your mind feels one thing but your,heart feels the whole opposite. But which one’s real..

I’m 18. Yeah, I know.. I’m young still. lol
See but there’s this girl…
Most definitely the most amazing girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. She’s my bestfriend. I met her the first summer I moved to Texas and ever since then she’s been my favorite person in the whole entire world.
And here’s the thing… I’m in love with her. Deeply, 100%, absolutely head over heels for this girl.

See I used to be in petty, pointless relationships where the word “love” was tossed around like a beachball on a sunny, summer day. Ya know, the typical “I’m sooooo in love with you” and then we break up a few months later. No good reason, no sympathy. Just “on to the next one”.
That’s when I started dating girls for the hell of it.. I dated them but secretly hung out and fucked with any girl I got the chance with. Because I wanted to feel that “love” that I searched for, but still do the things I wanted… I never REALLY knew how it felt to be loved.. Not by those pathetic girls, not even by my own “blood family”.

So I gave up on “love”.. I gave up on trying to impress people that didn’t even truly give a fuck. No matter how hard I tried to do things right, no matter how bad I wanted to be the best, I simply couldn’t. I always failed.

But that girl… That girl that I’m so in love with. She accepted me for me the moment she met me… Everyone judged me because I was that skinny kid, with the “Corbin Bleu hair”. I was the goofy kid, always cracking jokes, being a complete asshole to whoever and never even giving a fuck. That kid that jumped off the diving board, and put is whole arm in his swim trunks and did a stupid wiggle just to fix his junk’s wedgie. That kid that nobody acknowledged, or cared about. That stupid, asshole kid that nobody liked.
Somehow she saw something in me though.. I always thought she was the most beautiful girl at that pool, and I was for certain that I’d be shot down the moment I tried to talk to her.. But she didn’t shoot me down. She smiled and started talking back to me and I just sat down and enjoyed her company for the rest of that day..

Soon after that day, we became close. We spent everyday together, did everything together and never left each other’s side. lol. I literally wouldn’t leave the house until I called her to see what she was doing first and vice versa. Like something you only see in movies.
Little did she know, that every day I was blessed with her presence, and every day that she was there to make me smile, I was falling deeper and deeper in love with her. But bestfriends is what we were and I couldn’t mess that up. So I just pretended that’s all I wanted her to be and continued dating other girls and doing me. Bestfriends was fine with me.. at least she would be apart of my life…. That’s how I looked at it.

Then that day came.. That amazing day when she told me that she was in love with me. I remember the feeling I got. I smiled ear to ear and couldn’t stop reading that message. But i couldn’t say it back because I was scared i’d lose her.. I was scared that I’d lose my absolute bestfriend and the girl I was truly in love with, all at once.
But eventually I got over it and everything has been perfect since then.

Now here’s the punchline…
I never knew what it was like to feel loved until she came along.. I always could be myself around her and she always loved me in return. She never turned her back on me, NOT ONCE. And she was the only girl that I’ve EVER kept that close.
She’s my everything.. My other half, my pride and my joy, my whole life.
She’s my babygirl and my princess and I’m proud to be her prince.
The feeling of being in love with your bestfriend surpasses any other feeling in the world. It’s the greatest high in the universe.

I’ve never considered spending my life with one of my girlfriends. Because I saw how much my dad got divorced and I figured that nothing ever last based off what i saw. Never have i ever planned my future with a girl, NEVER.
But I did with her and I WANT IT TO HAPPEN MORE THAN ANYTHING.

The ups and downs of life, the paying bills, changing diapers and cold nights cuddling all alone in our bed. A house in the country, campfires with the kids, and  the late nights sitting on our couch “under my blanket” watching movies. haha
This girl means the world to me and if it means growing up a little early and making sacrifices, I’m all down for it.. It’s more than worth it.

KLM, I love you with everything I have.. My heart stops, my bones ache, and my mind races and the single thought of losing you.
I want it all with you.
Audrey Mckenzie.
Issac Austin.
Carter Lynn.
All of it.
I want you by my side while we experience the wonders of life together and I want to grow old with you.
I mean this. Every single part of it.

You’re the reason I know what love is… You’re the reason why I look at every other girl as “just another girl”. You’re the reason I smile and you’re honestly the reason why I’m still alive today.
You’ve given me hope. You’ve showed me that I’m not alone in this world and that people DO have hearts.
We’ve been through so much. Things that normally people wouldn’t have to go through, and we’ve made it this far.

We’re so much alike. We’re so perfect for each other. And I couldn’t and wouldn’t ask for anything better because you’re the best. You’re perfect in every way in my eyes and I want you to know how much I appreciate you and the things you’ve done for me.
I love you baby. Right now, and for everyday of the rest of my life.
Always and forever.
VI.XXX.XI

Sincerely,
Your prince, Phillip.

Throwing away this pillow and box of stuff. She was trying so hard to get ahold of me but when I tried calling she answered then hung up. She just wants the control. Fuck that. Shows that she will never change. About to get ready to go to the movies with Katie(: At least SHE gives me time.